Push your characters to their limits, then push further

When I began 2024, I had a mantra/phrase in mind for the year: Radical Self-Acceptance.

The thing I’ve learned heavily this past year is that when you ask for something and set that intention with yourself, with the universe, things begin to change. Shift. Come at you from every angle.

My mantra for 2024 was radical self-acceptance, and it was actually the hardest challenge I’ve ever faced in my life.

I was coming off of a few really hard years. It began with 2020…although, in reality, it began in childhood, as everything within our nervous system, and our core beliefs about ourselves and the world around us, truly does.

Same with your characters, by the way. When I talk about character development, I talk about the main character’s Flaw the most. Which I view as their “flawed belief”—the narrative they’ve lived by, that’s impacted every choice of their life, how they view themselves, the world, the people in it. How that makes them achieve their goals, and how it gets in the way of reaching those goals too.

Your book is about how that character is challenged. It’s about how your plot supports challenging that character in the strongest way possible. If you want a character to have true transformation by the end of the book or series, you need to push them to the limits.

And your inciting incident in the story is the moment that Flawed Belief is fully brought to light to your readers, and they realize this is the point the character’s life will change forever. Your character will never be able to go back after this. Their story is in motion.

Well, when you do this in real life, with yourself, when decide you want something, deeply…

That’s when everything changes.

Because the universe, or you as the author, will say, “Here you go! You wanted X, take it.”

Ahh, but see you haven’t actually addressed your flaw, so you can’t handle that thing yet. You could literally hand your character their goal the first page of the book, and they would ruin it in some way. They are nowhere near ready for it. Not really. (PS. If you keep bumping into issues in your story, remember that if you handed your character the goal at any point—the thing they’ve insisted they’ve wanted since the start of the book—they will always mess it up or not be ready for it in some way. Not until the very end, after they’ve gone through multiple trials, their dark moment, and the climax).

Your character needs to earn that goal.

Well, that’s what this 35-yr-old book coach did in 2024. I decided to go on my own character journey of radical self-acceptance (amongst other things). And that’s when it got hard.

Really hard.

At first, the challenge of self-love didn’t seem so bad. I could do this. “Decide you love yourself.” Easy. Done.

I was just as ignorant as your characters are. They always think a minor tweak will bring their goal to them. LOL. The book would be over before the end of Act One if that happened.

And I hadn’t actually learned true radical self-acceptance, now, had I? I just used a trick to think I was happy as me, but deep down, the fear had been activated:

I was terrified I was unlovable.

I believed I was too much. Not good enough. Not smart enough. Not worthy.

Not only was I terrified of this truth, throughout the year, I realized I actually believed this. And I found ways to prove myself wrong. And I found ways to prove myself right.

That’s the thing about going on a journey for something you want…doing so challenges you in ways you never ever expected or wanted or thought you needed.

The universe, in my case, said, “Sure Katie, we’ll help you find your way to radical self-acceptance. But we are going to put you to the test. We are going to encourage you and push you. We are going to make you want to turn back, many times. And you are going to reach your Dark Moment (key part of every book), and it’s going to be the darkest you’ve ever dipped.

“But here’s the thing, you’ll get through it. And if you rise to the challenge, and allow this to push you towards deep growth, you’ll actually get everything you wanted.

“You want radical self-acceptance?

“Here’s your new path. When you reach the “end,” you’ll know what it means to radically accept AND love yourself. You actually will never question your worth again. You’ll have moments, of course, but nothing that lingers. Because you’ll have gone through the greatest challenge/journey of your life, to get that thing. And now you know that you truly have all the power within you to hold on to that radical self-love.”

Let’s pause and soak that in for a moment. Because yes, the universe really did say all of that to me. And it was so right. Painfully right. Beautifully right.

One day, when I publish my memoir, you’ll learn the layers of my character arc. The shit I went through, the fires I lit, and the overwhelming darkness I emerged from.

But for now, trust me when I say, if you decide you want something so badly, that you put that ask out in the world, you make that call to the universe…you will be tested.

And it will be worth it.

If I had known I would be inviting in some of the hardest, most painful shit into my life, I might have thrown a white flag and said, “Nah, it’s okay, never mind, I’ll stick with things as is.”

Scratch that. I wouldn’t have.

Because staying where I was, in a place of shame, of beating myself up for practically all of my existence, for struggling every day to have faith in myself… I would take on anything that I needed to get to where I am now.

And what’s my status now?

I’m in love.

With me.

It’s a wild thing.

It’s not a perfect love. It requires a lot of work. There are some days when I struggle to hold soft compassion for myself. There are a lot of shadows I have still yet to visit. There are beliefs that still hold power over me that I want to release. There is still pain, grief, love, struggle, and heartbreak ahead. There are still going to be days when I question my progress.

But, despite living through the hardest year of my life, I actually see the universe did what it could to push me to get what I set out for: Radical Self-Acceptance.

I am so grateful. To the universe, sure, for the push, but mostly to me.

Because I was the one who went on the journey, faced every trial, faced my inner demons, and faced my shame.

I’ve been granted the opportunity to live the rest of my life in love with myself. Sure, I’ve felt powerful, determined, full of zest before. But never have I ever felt it while being fully, radically, accepting of myself. Of every tiny piece of shame, flaw, struggle, etc.

How cool is it that now, I get to truly enjoy being me as I experience everything that’s to come for the rest of my life?

And guess what my word of the year is for 2025?

Emerge.

Last year I learned self-love, and this year I will learn to emerge.

So, universe. Lay it on me. What do I need to learn to emerge? How will you challenge me this time?

I can’t wait to be so grateful for the journey I’m about to go on.

What about you, writer? What are you ready to ask for? What is that thing that you so desperately want, that you know is possible, but hasn’t come to fruition yet for you? Set your intention. And then get ready to grow into the person who makes that their reality.

And if that’s not something you want for yourself, then try it out on your characters. Ask yourself what they need to learn/overcome, and how can you make sure this old Flawed belief they had changes forever. Don’t be afraid to make it dark and intense, writer. Push them to their limits. Your characters—and additionally, your readers—will be grateful. The transformation, and subsequently the character finally reaching/earning their goal, will be so much more rewarding.

Until next time…keep growing,

-Coach McCoach